Johnlock on Omegle
by GillianDrake
Summary: John is outraged that his jam is gone. Sherlock finds him on Omegle. Based on an Omegle conversation I had with someone.


You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Where's my jam

Stranger: Uh

You: No, seriously - Where is my jam?

Stranger: ...well. It's a funny story. I'm sure you'll laugh.

You: ...o...k...

Stranger: It's gone.

You: What did you do with it?

Stranger: Heh. It was an interesting experiment.

You: Sherlock...

Stranger: ...Sorry.

You: Sherlock, what did you do to my jam!

You: I am an angry hedgehog made of angry kittens; what did you do to my jam?

Stranger: Uh. It may have. Been spread on a dead body.

You: Well...why did you do that?

Stranger: I was bored. ...should I get you more jam, little hedgehog?

You: You spread my jam over a dead body because you were bored...what did Molly say about all this! She can't have known you'd do that or she wouldn't have let you - that's weird, even for you. And don't call me little.

You: ¬_¬

Stranger: Yes, she thought it was strange. ..fine.

You: What did you tell her?

You: Just out of curiosity.

Stranger: Nothing. Why would I tell her anything?

You: So she actually let you conduct this experiment with MY jam?

Stranger: She didn't know it was yours.

You: Ok, I know you're attractive, but that's just ridiculous.

Stranger: Pardon?

You: Er - I mean...That she would let you smear jam over a dead body says a lot about how she feels about you - er - you should try being nicer to her, you know...

Stranger: ...oh. Is that why she acts so strange? Interesting. ...I suppose I'm not allowed to experiment on this with her.

You: No! Definitely not! That would be cruel.

Stranger: Well damn. Shall we go on a date then? For experimental purposes.

You: We! You mean...you and me? What possible benefit could you get out of that?

Stranger: Not being bored.

You: I'm not gay, though.

You: So it wouldn't really be a date, then, would it? ... It would just be two mates going for a drink

You: Or dinner.

You: Or the cinema

Stranger: Yes, so you always say. But I'm using this as an oppritunity to go on a date including all the things you'd do on a date, without knowing I'd have to do it again.

Stranger: Molly would be exstatic, but then heartbroken that I wouldn't keep dating her.

Stranger: *ecstatic

You: Wait, so you're going on a date with Molly! How is this NOT being cruel?

Stranger: No, that's why I can't go on a date with Molly.

You: Oh, right. But there is sort of an end goal in sight, when you're dating. You know...getting to know each other (which we've already done)...getting intimacy (which isn't your area). You see what I mean, right? You have to actually LIKE (as in 'fancy') the person that you're going on the date with, otherwise it's not a date - and I don't see you fancying me any time soon.

Stranger: ...fine then, John. Whatever you say. You're the expert on this..

You: Right. Good...well, I wouldn't call myself an expert, but... you know. We could still do it if you wanted to, though.

You: I know what you're like with your experiments.

You: And it might be good for us to do something together that isn't solving crimes, blogging about it and...hehe...forgetting our pants.

Stranger: Hehe. See, it's a good idea.

Stranger: So, where would you like to go?

You: Angelo's?

Stranger: Sounds great. Shall I tell him to set out a candle?

You: You want this to be a date - for your experiment...Go on, then...

Stranger: Excellent.

Stranger: What time?

You: Right. Good. 8?

Stranger: Perfect.

You: Right. Good. You're sure about this, right?

Stranger: Why wouldn't I be?

You: I don't know. I just...you know Mycroft's going to know about this, right? And you know what he's like - not that that should stop us - I don't want to stop us going out - but are you REALLY sure you want to do this?

You: Is this a date?

Stranger: Yes it's a date. And you don't think they talk already? Especially since you're constant insisting you aren't gay makes it seem you're hiding something.

You: You're actually asking me out on an actual date, though? You're always saying that you're married to your work...are you seriously cheating on your work with me?

Stranger: Oh John. You /are/ my work.

You: Well...right, then. Ok. Right. Good. Great, even.

You: ...hehe - you realise that we're married and we haven't even gone out on a date, yet XD

Stranger: Well, might as well now, right? Also, would you mind kissing? I'd like to try that too.

You: ...Yeah...yeah...sure. With tongues, you mean?

You: Or just, you know...normal kisses?

Stranger: Uh... Why not both?

You: Right - well...yeah, I mean you need a comparison, don't you?

You: For your experiment

Stranger: Exactly.

You: Ok. So, anything else?

Stranger: Well, the next step after that is sex, isn't it? I know you may not want to go that far.

You: I wouldn't mind -er- I mean...you know...I wouldn't...er...you know...One step at a time, right?

Stranger: Alright then. We'll see where the night takes us.

You: Right. Good. Ok.

You: Just one question...

Stranger: Yes John?

You: Is this really an experiment?

Stranger: ...see you at 8.

You: Right. Ok, then...see you at 8.

At 8, Sherlock walked out of his room and found John in the sitting room. "..ready to go?" he asked. John looked up, flushing ever so slightly. "Er. Yep. Definitely". He closed the lid on his laptop and ran to get his shoes, trying not to look too eager to rush into his date with Sherlock.

He smirked and took John's hand in his as they walked out.

"Er, Sherlock..." John grinned, "how long have you been using Omegle?"

"A while." Sherlock replied with a matching grin.


End file.
